LONELINESS

Why didn’t I smack that tiny spider? I first saw it like a dust puff on my curtain.  It was smoky gray, as small as a number.      Usually, I killed spiders, or if I could, I would catch them and put them outside on a plant to spin their hungry dreams, but this leggy creature and I were the only living things in a rambling,  lonely house in the desert.

At first, I saw him near the bottom hem of the curtain.  Later, when I looked for him again, he had meandered to the side of the curtain and seemed to be peeking over the edge. Was he looking for something, or someone he lost?

I couldn’t help but look for him the next day.  He lifted a leg as if to wave.   He advanced cautiously up the curtain cliff, like a mountain climber seeking his footing.  Curious, I let him be. I sat down to see where he would go next, but he pulled his spindly legs in and waited, too.  “A-ha.  So we are observing one another.”

He  disappeared into the soft folds of the curtain. Was he just adventuring, like a pioneer trying to find a piece of land to call his own? Or was he trying to hide from the world, or from my searching eyes, my hurting heart, my long, lonely days?

The curtains were showing a haze of dusty gray, and I knew I should take them down to clean them, but what would  become of my new friend?

Then, I lost him. I shook the curtain gently.  I peeked behind the gritty veil. Did he wander away to die, like the Indians of old?  Will I find him as I chase the flimsy cobwebs from the ceiling?  Will I see him as the sun sparkles on the swaying remnant of his tether?  Will I ever him again?

How could a lowly spider stir my soul and fill my life with wonder?  How could he become my excitement?  How could he interrupt my days with his frolic across my window covering?

Loneliness is once again upon me like a shroud.

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One Response

  1. I LOVE this. Mark and I watched a ground wasp drag a spider three times her size across the entire back patio all the way to, and then inside the pump house. Mark said it would be like him dragging a refrigerator for a mile. It took her about 20 minutes. Talk about persistence! And she was moving backwards the whole time. Mark said she’ll put the spider in her nest, lay her eggs on top of it, and leave. When the eggs hatch, they’ll eat the spider. Sometimes if we stop and look closely, patiently, we see awesome things- and a connection with those tiny things.

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